I bought new shoes today. Therapy shoes. Those are comfy business casual shoes that don't look like old lady shoes and don't show my red nail polish. They're cute. I will start seeing families soon and need some professional looking comfy feet. You don't want to be uncomfortable while trying to find the shovels to help dig a family out of their stuck state. Therapy shoes seem to be representing a new part of my life that is approaching in the next year. Over the next year I will slowing work my way towards this new place.
I'm reaching a new stage of me. In this stage there are no classes, no crazy work schedule. There is less play. However, I have to have play. There will always remain some play in me. Someone has to remember the rules to the fun games. I wont lose my sense of adventure either. If anything that is growing. Whether conquering a new mountain or a river... I won't lose track of the adventure that has become a new and exciting part of my life. With Therapy Shoes comes more responsibility though. Responsibility for myself, others, and the family life that is somewhere around an nearby corner.
I have happily followed the paths that my gut has taken me on and I feel it will lead me to great places. Most importantly while traveling now I have my Therapy Shoes to help me travel with more comfort and ease. I know there will be some dark patches on my trails but that will only point me back on the track that is best and meant for me.
Ok this is a tough subject so bear with me. I was reading a friend's blog and she asked if her readers had ever been in love and how they knew they were in love.
I have claimed to be in love in hmm I suppose 4 different occasions.
So how do you know that the one you love in the moment is the one you're supposed to love? I just know it. But I've said this before. But this is different. I've said that before too. But maybe I should explain why it's different.
I go dancing and have no desire to dance with the sweet guy hanging out with us because, well, he's not my bf. It's not because I'm uncomfortable but because I'd rather have my own guys arms around me.
I talk to exes who I used to want to stay in touch with and now I could really care less if I lose all contact with them. In fact, I got rid of all pictures of me and my exes together. It was easy. It was fun. This is a new feeling.
I can't ever stay mad at him... now that's rare.
He makes me smile.
We can just be together no words no tv no games just us.
We can look at each other and know what we're each thinking. maybe not all the time but it's happened.
I can tell him my secrets without much hesitation.
I smile when I think about him... I'm smiling now.
He feels like an equal. We're on the same level. There is no power struggle, no need for one.
He has a good soul. Great morals and values. We have similar dreams.
He loves me back. It's more than hearing the words... I've heard them before... they were just words before... no substance.
I have no single instant in which he dis some great thing and I realized I loved him. I just do. I love it all.
I can't say it's always perfect there's no such thing... but it's a good time, it's comfortable, and I love loving him.
ok so I finished the brief essay thing only to discover they wanted a curriculum vitae (CV) which is this resume thing that they use in foreign countries. They wanted my professional experience and my research experience and so on... it's supposed to take up many pages. Mine is one and a half and it's rather spaced. So then I went to print everything and my printer is idiotic! It wont print. IT says I have no ink. Well yeah no friggin color ink but I have black. But it wont do anything besides tell me I need ink. Grrrrr. So it wont print. I'd go upstairs and use my dad's computer but it's the middle of the night and I don't wanna wake him. It would be nice if I could go to sleep before 3 am for once this week.
I used to write in here all the time. Then eventually I stopped writing and just read. And then I got all caught up in myspace that I almost forgot about livejournal all together. As most of my friends don't write in here anymore. I'm back to doing a little reading and writing again.
I can't sleep once again. I wish I could. I feel very moody lately too, almost as though I'm heading towards some kind of depressed state. I'm fighting it by hanging out with people but it's not always fullfilling. It's not the people or that I'm bored it's just that something is missing. in me.
I miss John alot and keep finding myself complaining that I don't hear from him enough. But I know he's busy and does his best. I feel so bitchy for not being more understanding. Then I get frustrated for feeling so needy too.
I'm procrastinating on writing a small essay for a scholarship. I believe it only needs to be a few paragraphs as it says I need to write a brief statement. The topic: brief description of applicant’s future plans and how this scholarship will benefit the applicant and the community.
How the hell should I know!?! I like to think I'll someday benefit the community from my education but what if I suck at it?! Seriously I'm getting really scared. It's so much money too. I need a scholarship desperately. But I can't figure out how to convince strangers that out of all the applicants I need to be one of the people to recieve money. I should make up some tragic event... j/k. I've writted two different introductory paragraphs. I don't think I'll use either of them.
Gah it's 3:30. I need to friggin sleep.
Well I haven't updated in a while and I'm bored.
Does anyone even read these anymore?
Anyway things are going well. Very well with the bf... only 5 weeks till I see him again. Had a wonderful time at the wedding two weekends ago. It was great. The only wedding I've ever been to with a PACKED dance floor. Everyone seemed to be having a great time... that is those of us who weren't puking and blacking out. ehm meghan.
School starts in 7 weeks. There's alot to do to prepare. Gotta defer my loans, get medical papers signed, pray for a scholarship, find an apt, find a job, and take out more loans! wheeee!
We got this new girl at work. She's alright does well with the work part. But she's slightly odd. She doesn't wear deodorant for one thing?! And something to make you go wow... she has 18 sisters and 14 brothers. Yeah. Her father is a Native Canadian. He's from some reservation in Quebec. Hmm.
2 weeks and 2 days till the SACO trip woohoo! I can't wait.
Ok that's all I got for now.
Life has been interesting to say the least. I don't even know where to start. I haven't written in here in months I think. It's 4 am and I need to get up in an hour but oh I'm already up because I never went to sleep. I was just laying there thinking about things and it wouldn't stop so finally I came on here and oh looked up names. Because Iesha likes to talk about baby names all the time and well I was curious to see what names out there I like. I noticed that as the years go on my list of baby names changes yet she always remembers the ones I like. I however, can never remember the names that she likes... right now I can remember 2 and I know there are like 6+.
Anyway things are going very very well. John is far away but I will see him in oh 3 and a half days. I feel closer than ever to him now despite the fact that he is far away.
Let me just note that I'm using my grandma's laptop and I love it. I want one. It's such a waste... she doesn't even know how to use it. If it wasn't for me it wouldn't be getting used at all.
So anyway... yeah still my most overused words on here. I don't think I've written many entries without the word anyway.
Hmm yeah... really wanna type so anyway again. I should go take a shower and get ready for work. There is no point in sleeping for a half an hour. I have to work 9 hours today too... this is going to suck. grrrrrr.
There's a big hole back at Stop-N-Go and I'm still finding it hard to believe. One minute I'm fine and the next minute everything is wrong.
My counseling job is starting to really suck. I'm sick of the stupid counselors and management that thinks they're better than everyone else and doesn't appear to give a shit about the clients... the whole reason they even have a job. I love the way they're always right and how nothing is ever their fault.
Looking for a new job.
My first Softball game is next Wednesday! Wish me luck! I need it, this is all new to me.
Hmm nothing else to talk about. Oh wait I have a joke. Mason told me the cutest joke today. Mason is 5 years old. So when reading this you must picture this adorable little 5 year old boy in hot wheels pants/shirt/hat/sunglasses with a little carhart coat.
"Why did the cracker go to the doctor?"
"I dunno why?"
"Because he was feeling crummy"
Well of course who wouldn't know that right?!
Ok now picture same little boy.
"Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?"
"To get to the bottom" (points to his bottom)
This is when we redirect joke time... but it was sooo cute!
So things are still going well. Apparently I'm not getting a lil lil now. I feel bad for my little but it's ok. It just wasn't meant to be. Sides I'm happy for Jo! She'll be a great big her lil is lucky!
Things have been really hectic lately. I've been working alot. And they keep switching my schedule around. Eh. I'm flexable I'll survive. I did just notice that I have no time for sleep next weekend, between both jobs I'm apparently supposed to get up early friday morning go to a 4-5 hour training thing for the after school program, then go to the after school program and then work overnight and then without sleep I'm supposed to go to a 9 hour conference and then softball practice then work overnight again! Yeah not happening. That would be like working with no sleep for hmm 48 hours straight. So I wont be working the overnight on Friday night. A girl's gotta get her beauty rest. That means I gotta work overnight some random night this week. yay.
I've also taken on another parttime position as a parent educator. Apparently I don't like my free time.
On a sidenote... Trampolines are fun!
Everything is going so well. It just doesn't seem possible.
Oh I need to take this moment to say I'm finally getting a little little!! YAY! I wish I could be there for it!
This weekend was wonderful! John and I went to a wedding In Glens Falls, NY. (40 minutes north of Albany). It was soooo much fun. We danced for hours. Some girl asked to be invited to our wedding... oops. The food was great. The people were fun too. The stories were hillarious. I could go on and on but I'm sure you all don't want to hear all of the details.
I did think it was going to be a disaster of a day. Well we got lost on the way to the church which was in the middle of nowhere. John was already there cuz he was in it. We walked in when they were giving their vows. We had to stand in the back. Then they gave us bubbles which we never used. I opened them and spilled them all the way down my dress right before the recieving line. but it dried and was fine. We made it to the reception ok though. Only a couple wrong turns.
Things got better though... that is after john passed out for twenty minutes and the guys attacked his car to try to wake him up. Hehe.
We have two potential pledges... so my family tree might not die!! We as in the sorority. Hmm yeah.
And I got my new car insurance policy and despite wrecking the front end of my vehicle my insurance went down. It's $60 less. That's just odd. But good.
And. Lindsey from work is going to have a baby! I'm so excited I can't wait! Babies are fun! Yeah none of you know her but I had to share the news. The poor girl(Lindsey) is sick all the time though and she keeps crying for no reason. But she'll be ok I'm sure.
Hmmm. That's all I have for now. I think I'm forgetting something. Oh I can't get any Financial Aid from the state of NY because if you're going to grad school to get aid from them your family income has to be less than 20,000 and they said because I live with my mom her income counts. What kind of family lives on less that $20,000?! Seriously. For undergrad it's $80,000. I think that's discrimination! How the hell am I going to pay for U of R!?
Oh well it will be figured out.